Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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