No, drunk sperm still make babies.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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