"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
