I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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