Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
