I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
