I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
