Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
