found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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