How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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