you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my phone needs a breathalizer
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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