Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
