we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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