i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
