Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
