I wish I could punch you in the face.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
