I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
