I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
