If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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