Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
