once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
