i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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