wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
