Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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