i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
