I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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