You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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