U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Drake has all the answers
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
