my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
