if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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