And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
