Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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