Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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