Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
