Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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