You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
