Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My ass is underappreciated
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
