i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
