yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
