I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
