i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
