Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
