I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I will pee on everything he values.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
