he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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