i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
