I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
