We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
