toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
