and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
