cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
