Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
