Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
