and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
