so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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