i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
