I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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